


Michikake (Phases)

by ayatsujik



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-05 18:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15176522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayatsujik/pseuds/ayatsujik
Summary: Serial vignettes from the deepening of Touya/Yukito/Yue's relationship. Starts after the power transfer and skips ahead to the exchange between Touya and Yue towards the end of the first Clear Card anime, with a final section that goes back in time.





	Michikake (Phases)

One half of me is yours, the other half yours—  
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,  
And so all yours. 

\---- _Merchant of Venice_ , 3.2

 

 **I.**  
  
This afternoon Kinomoto Touya was working in the blue-and-green uniform of a large convenience store chain. The sun was strong; he'd rolled up the sleeves of his shirt over his tanned, lean-muscled arms. A pair of badly scuffed sneakers extended from the ends of his trouser legs. He finished hefting a pile of boxes onto a trolley, and wiped the back of his hand over his forehead. Then he began pushing the trolley towards the store.

Some distance away Yukito was holding a checklist, ticking off a fresh delivery of fruit juice cartons. Touya threw a quick nod in their direction as he passed them, accompanied by the flash of a smile.  
  
Yukito waved back, beaming.  
  
Yue watched, from the depths of Yukito's consciousness.  
  
He didn't know what to make of his new master's brother. There was something unsettling about him, and not only because Yue always felt the butterfly waves of warmth that rose in Yukito whenever he was around. Or whenever Yukito thought of him. Which was very often. He was used to Yukito's feelings; they'd been around for a long time. He didn't know what Yukito would make of his.  
  
Unsettling. Elements of him tugged at Yue's memories of Clow, refusing to be mere superficial resonances. It stood to reason, he told himself. The young man was, after all, the son of a father of Clow's creation. A son as tall and dark-haired as Clow had been, whose voice could fall as low and soft as that of Clow's in a coaxing mood.  
  
In whose veins Clow's magic had run, until he'd given it away.  
  
Eriol had planned for that to happen. This Yue knew. But he also knew that Kinomoto Touya had offered his powers freely, for Yukito's sake. This moved him. He thought about that exchange, still, as Yukito went about his days: the warmth of the young man's skin against his lips, the firmness of his shoulders. He thought about it even when Yukito was sleeping, in the quiet of the night, face peaceful in the light of Yue's namesake.  
  
The strength of his emotions startled him, sometimes. Enough to make him wonder if Yukito could sense any of it, as unlikely as that was. He'd made sure Yukito wasn't privy to whatever Yue didn't want him to be. In any case, Yukito had enough to do with managing his own feelings.

Unsettling, nonetheless.  
  
Yue didn't know what to call these things he felt, or why he felt them. He did know, however, that he was waiting for another chance to reveal himself to Kinomoto Touya. And he knew - when he felt capable of admitting it - that this was because he wanted to see the light of wonder in his eyes after Yukito had Changed. To see him smile the same way he did for Yukito, so gentle it almost hurt.  
  
  
**II.**  
  
Every time he looked at Yukito now he couldn't help thinking of the creature he'd handed his powers over to, that luminous, silver-white being of moonlight hair and gemstone gaze. He still wasn't used to thinking of that creature as part of Yukito. That other being was sharp where Yukito was soft. Brooding instead of bright. Shadows in place of sunniness. And yet he remembered, too, how they essentially *felt* the same, in a strange, subtle way he couldn't explain.   
  
Yukito would return his lingering gaze when he caught it, a question in his eyes that Touya knew he didn't dare ask. In response, he would merely shake his head and smile. Or ruffle Yukito's hair, or tweak his nose, and relentlessly change the subject. He knew Yuki felt bad. He knew he couldn't stop Yuki from feeling bad. But he could remind him it wasn't necessary, at least.  
  
Constant low-level fatigue and hunger *were* annoying, though. Even after a month, he hadn't fully recovered from the transfer. He couldn't imagine what Yuki had endured before having his magic replenished. Throughout the day yawns crept up on him, no matter how well he'd slept the night before. He was constantly snacking, as if his meals couldn't keep up with his stomach. By dinnertime he could feel himself slowing down, his movements dulling, and he had to take extra care with handling kitchen implements and the stove.  
  
One week, after an especially tiring day of soccer practice, an exam and a part-time job, he accidentally sugared the stew for dinner. Sakura took a mouthful, choked, and followed it up with a mouthful of water. He did the same, moments later.  
  
She stared at him, eyes wide, before they narrowed into a smirk. She opened her mouth to speak. And then, as if catching herself, she shut it again.  
  
"Oh go on, laugh, " he growled. "It was a mistake worthy of a monster like you. Made it sweet instead of salty. Unbelievably stupid."  
  
Sakura refused to take the bait, and shook her head, her hair ribbons jerking back and forth. A sober look crossed her face.  
  
"Onii-chan," she said, hesitantly. "Are you...do you feel tired a lot, still?"  
  
/Still./  
  
He knew she knew everything. He wasn't entirely sure how much the reverse was true.  
  
"I'm perfectly fine," he said shortly. "No need to worry about anything."  
  
His little sister looked utterly unconvinced.  
  
"Don't make that face," he ordered.  
  
They ate in silence for a while. At least Fujitaka wasn't home tonight (although Touya also knew he knew something wasn't quite normal about his son of late).  
  
"It - it's not *too* sweet!" Sakura burst out. "It's kind of like the apple and honey curry Otou-san made me when I was little! He won't mind at all, either!"  
  
"We ate most of it, anyway," Touya grunted, clearing his plate. He stood up and headed to the kitchen, putting his utensils in the sink. "Isn't much left over. Going to head out, then - will leave the washing-up to you." But he patted her head as he passed her chair, in silent appreciation of her support, and stifled a yawn.  
  
"Onii-chan!"  
  
"What?" he said, staring down at her.  
  
"Will you be working with Yukito-san tonight?"  
  
"Yeah. Why?"  
  
"N-nothing!" Sakura fidgeted in the hopeless fib. "Um...say hi for me, all right?"  
  
"Send Yuki monster greetings, check," he tossed back, deftly avoiding the foot she'd tried to trip him up with.  
  
Her gaze trailed him as he headed out. Doubtless she'd be having a talk with that stuffed animal of hers tonight, although he had a feeling it wouldn't have any solutions, either.  
  
  
**III.**  
  
"To-ya," he heard Yukito say, as if from far away. "To-ya, are you all right?"  
  
He blinked, groggily. "...Yuki?"  
  
Awareness sharpened. He became conscious that he was slumped over the low table in Yukito's living room, the end of his pen pressing into his cheek. He pushed himself up, yawning, and met the brown eyes opposite him. They were dark with worry; Yukito's lips were pressed together, his brow furrowed. He was obviously deliberating whether or not to say something.  
  
Touya rubbed a hand over his eyes, and started to speak, but was interrupted by Yukito abruptly standing up.  
  
"I'm going to make some more tea," Yukito announced to the room at large, his voice unnaturally cheery. "And I think I still have some of those cookies that Sakura-chan gave me last week - I'll just be a few minutes -"  
  
He paused, and looked down at his hand, which Touya was gripping.  
  
"No need," he said quietly. "It's OK. Just sit down."  
  
"But -"  
  
"Sit *down*, Yuki." He yanked on Yukito's hand. Yukito yelped as he stumbled, landing on the tatami floor with a muffled thump, and looked at Touya accusingly.  
  
Touya sighed. "I'm fine, really."  
  
"How do you know?" Yukito retorted, his voice tight with concern.  
  
"There's nothing stopping me from doing all the things I normally do, that's why."  
  
Yukito clenched his hands on his knees, and exhaled slowly.  
  
"To-ya, I...I can't bear seeing you tired all the time. Like I was."  
  
Touya nodded. "I hated seeing you like that, too."  
  
He reached out, covering Yukito's pale hands with his own tanned ones. Yukito tensed, but didn't pull away. They sat like that for a while, saying nothing, letting their closeness speak for them. Evening was falling, and shadows were lengthening in the room. Eventually he felt Yukito relax, but he held on, stroking his thumbs across the backs of Yukito's hands.  
  
"Maybe you should try talking to that other half of yours," Touya said lightly.  
  
"Of course I have," Yukito said, his voice low. "I've been trying to, at least. But he doesn't really want to discuss it with me. I think - he doesn't know for sure, himself, what's going on with you."  
  
"Then maybe I should talk to him again."  
  
Yukito shot him a startled look. His gaze slowly unfocused, as if he were having a conversation with someone Touya couldn't see. And then he nodded, his face going blank.

There was a burst of light, and a surge of energy in the air; the sense of large, feathery wings unfolding, enveloping Yukito's frame like a chrysalis.  
  
Touya yelped, throwing a hand up before his face. When he opened them again, he wasn't surprised to behold the creature he'd last seen a little over a month ago.  
  
  
**IV.**  
  
"Yo," Touya said, without thinking, as if he were speaking to Yukito. "It's been a while."  
  
Yuki-not-Yuki stared back, unblinkingly. He - since Yuki had a male form, though Touya found it hard to label this glorious being either male or female - did not return the greeting. Silently he sat, gracefully cross-legged, slender hands loosely folded in his lap. The pose would have been meditative, had it not been for his gaze - cool, considered, haughtily half-lidded. He made an ethereal sight amidst the shadows of the room, his silvery fall of hair and white outfit glimmering in the gathering dusk. The large, amethyst-like stone on his chest shone.  
  
Like a picture, Touya thought, unable to look away. He wanted to paint it.  
  
"Yukito says you are unwell." That voice, breaking the spell, was also as he remembered - brusque tone, unadorned words. Huskier than Yukito's.  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Yukito thinks it is because you gave us your powers. I agree, but unfortunately, I know of no way to assist you."  
  
"Thanks, but I expected that, and I'm fine, anyw -" Touya broke off, suppressing a yawn. Yuki-not-Yuki regarded him dispassionately.  
  
"My master is worried about you, too."  
  
"She needs to find better things to do."  
  
"She would not like being told so."  
  
Touya quirked his mouth. "You know her better than I do, now?"  
  
"I did not say that."  
  
"No, you didn't. I'm just teasing. And it's true - she'd probably step on me if I told her that." He stretched his neck to one side, wincing as he heard the bones of his spine crack. "So. Why'd you turn up?"  
  
"You asked to speak with me, and Yukito agreed."  
  
"It was just a suggestion."  
  
"Then, if you have no wish to speak to me, I will revert to Yukito."  
  
"No! Here, hold on." Touya grabbed his wrist as he began getting up. The cloth of his robes felt like silk, while his hand felt solid, practically human, apart from being a touch too cool. The same way Yuki's felt.  
  
"I never said I didn't want to talk to you, did I?"  
  
A perfect white brow furrowed, but Yuki-not-Yuki settled down. He looked down at Touya's hand, still gripping his wrist. Touya remembered to release him.  
  
"You ought to give clear instructions," he murmured.  
  
"Instructions? I'm not your master," Touya retorted, "and I'd be surprised if your master gives you orders, too. She isn't like that."  
  
The silver gaze studied him, cat-like. "That is correct."  
  
Touya grinned.  
  
"Thinking about it, I'm not your master, but you still did as I said, and you even admitted I was right. That means you're not averse to me."  
  
"...I did not say that, either."  
  
"You don't need to," Touya told him, leaning back on his hands. Somehow he couldn't stop smiling. "I can tell."  
  
Yuki-not-Yuki frowned. "I have a duty to assist my master when she is troubled, to the extent I can. That is all."  
  
"Duty is fine," Touya said, "but you should know that Sakura cares about you, and so does Yuki." He paused. "As do I."  
  
His companion fell silent, the furrow in his brow deepening. Touya watched his long, pale fingers absently pluck at the shawl-like cloth that covered his right arm; saw the ripple of moonlight hair as he looked away.  
  
"I will Change back," he said, as if to himself.  
  
"Come talk to me again, then," Touya said, gently. "When you feel like it." He paused, and allowed himself another smile. "I'd like that."  
  
  
**V.**  
  
/You came out for him,/ Yukito said across their psychic link. /I'm surprised./  
  
/Why?/  
  
/Well...you wanted to, didn't you? That's what surprises me./  
  
He refrained from denying this, seeing no point in doing so. Yukito was sharp when he chose to be. But he didn't answer. Yukito laughed, unfazed by his silence, the mental sound bright and sweet.  
  
/I didn't know he'd won you over! Well, that's To-ya for you. He's nice, isn't he?/  
  
/I do not know what that means./  
  
/It means,/ Yukito said cheerfully, /that you like him./  
  
Yue considered this at length.  
  
/I'm not wrong, am I?/ Yukito said tentatively.  
  
/You do not...mind?/ Yue replied, in lieu of answering.  
  
/Why would I? He *is* Sakura-chan's brother, after all. He saved us. And - I know you know. About what he means to me./  
  
/You do not feel for my master what you feel for him./  
  
/That's right, I don't. But...Sakura-chan understands. Besides, she's found someone better than me to feel that way for./  
  
/I do not feel what you feel for him./  
  
/You couldn't,/ Yukito calmly replied. /But he can be special to you, too. So it's fine. I'm glad, really I am. I know you'll get along./ He hesitated. /Don't be mean to him, though, or I'll be upset./  
  
He refused to dignify any of the preceding remarks with a response, and Yukito didn't press any further. Yue knew he was smiling. For a moment he wondered why it didn't irk him. It might have, once. Then again, as much as he wouldn't admit it, it always pleased him when Yukito was happy.  
  
Somehow, he sensed, he'd changed. Whether he liked it or not.  
  
(One day you'll find other people to care about, Clow had told him. One day. No matter how much you refuse to believe me, my moon-in-the-dark.)  
  
  
**VI.**  
  
"What's he called?" Touya asked, casually. "The other you."  
  
Yukito stopped writing, and looked up at him. Touya gazed back from across the table, chin resting on steepled fingers.  
  
"He's got a name, right?" Touya said helpfully.  
  
He hesitated, but finally told Touya, finding no reason not to. It wasn't as if Yue had asked him to keep it secret. And even if Yue was, for some reason, unhappy about this, he was hardly in a position to refuse their benefactor.  
  
"The moon? In Mandarin?"  
  
"His old master was half-Chinese, he says," Yukito explained. "It's a little complicated."  
  
"Just means it's more fun, that's all," Touya said, smiling the lopsided smile that made Yukito's heart clench in a not unpleasant way. "Anyhow, as I found out a while ago, it's not as if either of you are hard to understand."  
  
"Oh, really?" Yukito retorted, feigning being put out. "Is that why you want to talk to us, To-ya? Because we're both simpletons? I must say I'm starting to sympathise with Sakura-chan -"  
  
"Yuki," To-ya cut in, all the teasing suddenly gone from his voice.  
  
And then, suddenly, he'd gotten up on his knees. Suddenly he'd reached over the table to grab the collar of Yukito's button-up shirt. Suddenly Yukito felt his glasses removed, his body pulled forward, and then there was warmth pressing down on his face, a set of dry, slightly chapped lips covering his own, and he couldn't breathe because he was being kissed, because *To-ya* was kissing him, and he simultaneously hoped that he would and wouldn't pass out, because he hadn't known he'd wanted this, he'd never allowed himself to dream about dreams fulfilled, had never been brave enough to confess to To-ya, not about his true identity, not about any of his feelings. And yet, amazingly enough, Touya didn't mind any of this, and he had no idea *why*, really, and he was half-afraid to ask in case the dream evaporated -  
  
Touya pulled away. Yukito took a gulp of air, speechless.  
  
"Yuki, look at me."  
  
The voice was gentle, irresistible. Moreso when a pair of fingers slid under his chin and tilted it up so he was looking right at Touya, seeing the warmth in his smile on full display.  
  
"I want you to be with me," Touya said quietly, brushing a thumb across his cheek. "Complicated or not. Human or otherwise. *All* of you. You know that, right?"  
  
He finally persuaded his voice to work. "To-ya," he croaked. "To-ya, I - yes, but -"  
  
"Good." There it was again, that lopsided smile. "It's okay, Yuki. It's really not that hard."  
  
He nodded, not trusting himself to say more, and closed his eyes. His heart was so full he thought it might burst.

Goodness only knew what Yue was thinking about this.  
  
  
**VII.**  
  
Something tickled the edges of his consciousness, telling him that things were subtly different. And then he was awake, his eyes wide open, adjusting to the dark. It was hot. Touya sat up, pushing his covers off, and looked over at the other futon next to his, where Yukito was sleeping -  
  
\- except he wasn't.  
  
They hadn't drawn the curtains when they'd turned in, and the waterfall of bright hair glowed in the light that shone in from the window. Cat-like eyes regarded Touya steadily, thoughtfully. He was sitting with one leg propped up, a white-sleeved arm resting on his knee.  
  
"This is unexpected," Touya remarked, after he'd collected himself. "Is something the matter with Yuki?"  
  
"No," Yuki-not-Yuki said.  
  
Touya nodded. "Is something the matter with you, then?"  
  
"...I do not know." He exhaled slowly, crossing his arms and shifting his legs into a sitting position.  
  
"That's probably a yes," Touya said dryly. "Care to tell me about it?"  
  
"I," Yuki-not-Yuki began, and stopped, going very still.

Touya waited, patiently. Watched shades of uncertainty pass over the delicate lines of the pale face, like clouds across the moon. 

"Yue," he said carefully, after several long moments had passed. Letting the unfamiliar syllables linger in his mouth.

Hearing his name seemed to have an effect. Yue sighed, and spoke, slowly and carefully.  

"I...wanted to see you." Gaze lowered, voice thick with reluctance. In the next instant, though, he'd shot Touya a glare. "I do not know why." 

Touya blinked, taken aback. And then he smiled, a grin that turned into a chuckle.

"Why do you laugh?" Yue inquired in clear displeasure. 

He shook his head, still laughing softly.   
  
"Does Yuki remember what happens when you're him? You know what I mean."  
  
"He does not, unless he is told."  
  
"Then," Touya said, "I'll have to tell him that I did this. Since you probably won't."  
  
"Did what?"

In lieu of answering, Touya shifted so that he was right in front of him. And then, before Yue could react, he'd put his hand on the back of his head, and leaned forward to brush their mouths together, lightly. Yue froze. Nonetheless, he didn't pull away.

Touya lowered his arm, bringing it around his shoulders, and drew him into an gentle embrace, resting Yue's head on his shoulder. He stroked his other hand down his back, over the fall of his hair, until he felt the stiff shoulders loosen. 

"Why do you do these things?" Yue murmured into his shirt. "Why do you confuse me so?"

"Those aren't really questions I can answer, are they?" Touya said softly. "Ask yourself. *I* know why you wanted to see me."

Yue frowned, biting his lip. Touya released him, running his fingers along the length of his face, and smiled again.

"Yuki had to work on his own feelings, you know? So you can do the same. I'm not in a hurry, anyway. If Yuki's with me, then you are, too." 

"You are as hard to understand as he was," Yue said, but he no longer sounded annoyed.

Without preamble, there was a brilliant flash of light. After it subsided Touya found himself holding Yukito in his arms, sleep-disoriented and bewildered.

"...To-ya? What happened? Yue - he's never done this before, why -"  
  
"Let's get back to sleep," Touya said, brushing stray strands of hair out of Yukito's eyes. "I'll tell you in the morning."  
  
  
**VIII.**  
  
This evening Clow Reed, wrapped in a black silk robe embroidered with navy brocade, was seated by a roaring fire in his favourite armchair. He'd stopped reading his book, which lay open on his lap, and seemed content to contemplate the scenery outside the tall windows. Snow was falling. The world was wrapped in silence, broken only by the crackle of burning wood. Flames cast flickering shadows over the large room.

Clow leaned back in his armchair, stretching his legs out. Kerberos, curled in a great orange-gold pile beside Yue at his feet, rumbled sleepily at the movement. Their master reached down to pat him, upon which he relaxed into a contented snore. Clow laughed softly, firelight reflected in his glasses.  
  
\- A thing without which humans cannot live, yet which is not, I dare say, confined to humans, Clow said, half to himself. He glanced down at Yue.  
  
\- Do you know what I speak of?  
  
\- No, he replied.  
  
\- Love, my guarding moon. A bounty as boundless as the sea, and every bit as unpredictable.  
  
Yue thought about this, frowning.

\- I do not understand, he said at last.  
  
Clow smiled.  
  
\- One day you will. He stroked his hair with a large, warm hand.  
  
\- The moon has phases, after all. There will be a time for you to find yourself, and those who will make you understand.  
  
The hand caressed his hair again, and Yue submitted to its touch, sinking into a gentle darkness.  
  
He opened dream-eyes to see that he was standing outside in the snow, powdery white flakes drifting onto his face as pinpricks of cold. It was a magical vision, he knew; he sensed the signature of Clow's powers. And then, imperceptibly, the snow bloomed into a rain of flowers, a blossoming shower in various hues of pink and white. He recognised the Japanese cherry blossoms that Clow delighted in, but there was a scent in the air not of the sakura, a soft, fresh sweetness. It filled him with a happiness for which he had no name.  
  
\- Peach flowers, he heard Clow say cheerily. - You'll see, Yue. You'll see.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Michikake = 満ち欠け; wax-and-wane as a compound word for moon phases. Japanese has so many pretty words.
> 
> 2\. 10+ years after I first became a CCS fan, I still can't get over Touya and Yukito's names literally being Peach Arrow and Snow Rabbit (stop it CLAMP stop it) 
> 
> 3\. Pardon the random Shakespeare. I'm a sucker for Clow's English heritage.


End file.
